A Big Fat Bucket of Suck

I generally have fairly good luck.

Except for when I dont.

Funny thing about me is that I dont have bad days scattered through out the year. They all compact into two weeks or so of very intense sucking.

How much has my past two weeks sucked? Let me 'splain you a thing!

So last week I was horrendously sick as you know. I am still riding the coat tails of that and have had no voice whatsoever for the past week. Highly unusual. Highly irritating.

I updated my computer finally. It all would have been great except for now it doesn't recognize my camera and that's...kind of super important.

Then life decided that I wasnt miserable enough because one of my molars chipped. And I'm not talking a tiny chip. Cut my tongue size. So I went in yesterday to have it looked at. It needs a crown. Obviously. I already knew that. So while I was waiting for them to put the temporary crown on, I was stuck listening to Evanescence and Blink 182. It was like being back in high school.

Lets fast forward to today. Temporary crown has already fallen off. While I was eating a poptart no less!

I don't even know if its even worth it to go in and have that fixed because really what is the point?! The permanent one comes in in two weeks and they filed the tooth down enough so that it no longer stabbing me. But I'll definitely keep an eye on it.

We've also had a few disgruntled customers at the gallery.

My email was also hacked on top of everything.

I Make Supernatural References in the Shower and it Backfires

Prologue: I love the show Supernatural.

Im gonna start this out by saying that I am a Lushie. A fan of the store Lush. I discovered them last year and havent looked back. Wednesday is where our story begins.

I drove to Lush to restock on some of my fav things. While I was there, I was looking at all the facial cleansers. As an ex-POW in the war against really bad acne, I still find myself on the quest to find that perfect face cleanser. I have tried various cleansers from Lush and have liked what I saw (there was only one miss) but hey, it's fun to try new things. I had read about Dark Angels for a while but never tried it. I tried it's sibling Angels on Bare Skin before and liked it. Torn between purchasing that again and trying Dark Angels, I ultimately decided that there was just something irresistible about smearing damp, black, sand on my face.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I hop into the shower and I'm far more excited about a face wash than I probably should be. But now that I think about it, it also seems normal. A few Christmases ago I was really excited and thrilled that I got a vacuum. So I quickly bolt through the rest of my routine so I can get to the main event. Shampoo? Check! Condition? Check! Body wash? Check! And finally, what I had been waiting for!

Dark Angels is just like it says; dark. But while it looks dark in the well lit stores of Lush, in my tiny dark shower, it looks like someone had managed to bottle up a piece of the void! I follow the directions, which say: take a pea sized amount and mix with water in your hands. Man that's old hat, of course I know how to do it. I'm pretty pro at it! I grab a small bit and mix it in my hand. And here is where Supernatural takes over. 'I am washing in Leviathan goo!' I whisper to myself. It looks like black paint in my hand. A red flag goes up in my head. This isnt going to stain my tub is it? I think on it for a minute and decide, to hell with it, and smear it all over my face.

"Washin with Leviathan washin with Leviathan washin with Leviathan suck it Dick Roman!" I sing to myself. I look down at my hands and they pitch black. 'I hope this doesnt stain my hands!' flits worriedly across my brain. Putting them under the shower, they wash clean no problem. I am reassured. I should not have been. I wash it off my face, accidentally swallowing a tiny bit, and considered it good.

When I got out of the shower, I go to the mirror to remove any make up that I missed. The second I glance at myself, I did something along the lines of this:

Because I look more or less like this:

My entire face is stained black. It looks like I took a handful of coffee grounds and smeared them on my face to achieve that fake stubble look. And while my 'stubble' was very manly and handsome, not the look I was going for.

The Zombie Apocalypse Started With Me

You know what sucks?

Being sick sucks.

Especially when you live by yourself and there's no one to put the trash out or to run out and by a dump truck's amount of cough drops. Or to change the sheets when you sweat so much that they're drenched. Or to go buy new sheets for that matter because you only have one set. No one but you.

Whatever this sickness happens to be, it was probably a long time coming. I'd been feeling kind of...vaguely sick for a few weeks. A cough here, a runny nose there. But camping last weekend with the weird night heating adventures was probably the last nail in the coffin.

Though I have to admit that I am slightly worried. I've never been this leveled by a hell spawn before. I'm usually down for a day, maybe two, and I'm back to being ok. But this one is persistent. I'm going on the third day now. I have a nose that has managed to run like a faucet and be stuffed up to the point of not breathing at the same time, my head feels like a blimp, a mild fever (it was much worse yesterday), dizzyness, a disgusting cough, chills (which turns into being on fire at night), and I also cannot hear out of my left ear (a new and rather worrying symptom).

Now imagine all of that nastiness, shuffling into Target to get cough drops, and you've got yourself a human zombie. A human zombie that sweat a whole bunch. As you can imagine, everyone I encountered reacted promptly like so:

The moral of the story is dont get sick kids. Don't get sick. Also DO NOT check WebMD. Because according to WebMD, I am dying of cancer.

That One Time I Fell Out of a Motorhome

Hallo...

You cant see it right now, but I'm waving sheepishly at you. So there are reasons that I haven't updated in awhile. Ahem, years. But that is neither here nor there. But mom said I should write a blog. When my default answer of 'I don't know what to write about' came out of my mouth, she threw me some serious shade. But ever since she said that, I couldnt get my blog out of my head. So let's go! I cleared out all the old posts because those are like looking at your embarrassing yearbook pictures from elementary school, clean slate. Let's recharge this puppy!

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I can write in a journal for days but the second I open up a new post, everything I want to write about suddenly vanishes. I also swear a lot more in my journal. Maybe I'm too distracted by the font. It's Times New Roman. It's boring and bleh. I demand font choices! Ones without serifs. Serifs are for losers.

So let's go with reportings on this weekend.

I went camping. I am not a camper. I am not good at it. I should clarify that when I say 'camping', I mean I stay in a fully modern motorhome. Because if asked to rough it, I would be the first one to die. Just the idea of not being able to wash my hair this past weekend made me cringe. And of course since I packed in such a hurry, I forgot things. Important things. Like toothpaste, deodorant, and mascara. Skipping past my distress at the sudden loss of creature comforts, mom and I began our journey to Wild River on Friday with her driving the motorhome and me driving the truck and trailer with our lovely horses inside it.

Driving huge horse trailers isnt a fun thing for me. Even though I may look as cool as a cucumber on the outside, in my head I look like this:

I could feel my intestines clench every time we drove through road construction and a 'LANES NARROW' sign swam into my line of vision. But all horror aside, we made it and no one died. Well...I almost died because I tripped on the sidewalk going into the park station. Once we reached the campground and mostly reached our spot, I stumbled out of the truck so mom could get in and back it into it's designated spot. Because I never learned how to back up a trailer. Meanwhile mom can do it with practiced ease. Then she went and backed the motorhome up easily as well.

Our first ride went well. Except towards the end when Grey decided to try cantering sideways. A terrifying joy for us all. But I suppose in all fairness, he went very well for having only been out once the entire year.

That night would test my mettle in every way possible. I had unknowningly been signed up for Survivor. What goes on on Survivor? I've never seen an episode. Do they...survive things? I assume that's what they do. After general merriment and tom foolery by the campfire with the rest of the group, I retired for the evening. And then I was informed of the horrible news: we didnt fill up the propane tank. And no propane meant no heating. A night with no heating. In Minnesota. In fall. When it dips to around 40 at night.

'It's ok. I can do this. I went to college.' I told myself reassuringly. So I rolled out my sleeping bag and unzipped it all the way so it could act as more of a blanket. This...will come back to haunt me in a couple minutes. After getting that settled, I dug out some kind of afghan thing, hitched up my leggings, pulled up my socks, and pulled my sweatshirt tighter around me before climbing onto my too short pull out. First thing I noticed is that my hips are cold. But only one of them. And it refuses to warm up. So I decide to become a hobo and drag out all the other clothes I had packed for the trip, 2 sweatshirts, 3 pairs of pants, 2 tank tops, and 1 shirt and just kind of drape them over my sleeping bag. Fifteen minutes pass. The one hip is still cold. Remember how I unzipped my sleeping bag? I have at this point in the night realized that because I had did that, I was allowing all the cold air from underneath to seep up and lick at my hip in a way I thought was rude and intrusive. So once again I got up and and zipped up the sleeping bag as it should be, piled all the clothes back onto it, and crawled in.

Of course in the middle of the night I woke up drenched in sweat.

We started the day with breakfast, which I missed because I was the last one up. And then we went for a morning trail ride. In an attempt to keep Paige's horse Thunder calm and happy, I decided that for the first time ever, I would make Grey walk in the back. Which he threw a fit about for awhile until he finally settled down and accepted his fate. The only blip we had was when Thunder decided that he was suddenly very very terrified of a large leaf. Juuuust one. And here's the part where the title comes in! As I was grabbing something out of the motorhome, I thought there was another step before I hit ground. Apparently, there was not. And in a stunning lack of grace, I managed to hit and kind of bounce off both sides of the door frame (simultaneously bruising my back and bashing up my knee) before hastily catching myself from face planting.

The afternoon ride also went well and Grey angrily trudged in the back again. We had dinner and then hung around by the fire some more and amused ourselves with looking for satellites. We saw several. The stars are so beautiful up there. Ironically, as much as I love stars and space and was seriously considering becoming an astronomist (oddly enough there is a red squiggly line under 'astronomist'. Does my computer not think that it's a real career?), I can only identify 4 constellations immediately: Orion, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, and Cassiopeia. I think I may have found Cygnus but who knows for sure. ISS passed over really low to the horizon. A few people got up and moved to the middle of the campground to see it. I was not one of them. I was too busy staring into the fire and contemplating life.

During the day, mom went to get some propane for the motorhome because heat is a beautiful thing. That night, we just automatically assumed that there would be heat. We were...wrong. I was the first one to go into the motorhome after the tank had been filled and "turned on". But it still felt cold. When mom and Paige game in (I was wondering if I would have to build my nest up again), we tried to figure out what the effity eff eff was going on and why technology had forsaken us! Eventually we figured out that we had to press a tiny button and the heat suddenly roared to life! Clearly, we are experienced motorhome owners.

Aaaan that night I woke up sweating again. I also drooled to mix it up a bit.

Sunday morning we mulled around by the campfire a bit before mom, Paige, and I went for another quick trail ride before heading home. You cannot understand how much I wanted a shower! You really cant. I was sitting in two days worth of sweat and dirt and the thought that my dirty head touched my clean pillow case made my skin crawl!

Long story short, I made it home safely after almost taking out a road construction pylon. Grey was so excited to get home that he barely finished his feed and broke out of his stall. Be free Grey! Be free!